To Bear the Pain of a Stranger

Third day without Sun. My brain had done a great job of keeping the productivity cycle up, these last three days. But today, it insisted on closing shop. My brain functions much like a house plant. Without water and sunlight, it dies. Or in my case, fakes an elaborate fictional scenario, where I end up jobless, friend-less, and somehow well-dressed but still dead in an apartment where my family can't find me.

To put an end to this. I decided to seduce my brain with a walk to treat myself to a cup of caffeine. As I held my cup of caffeine, my brain suggested a stroll around Clark Park. Maybe, the gloomy weather won't feel so dark against the backdrop of trees. I moved my body. My body was clothed in a bright, far too bright, orange sweatshirt and black puffer jacket. Hair was untied. Bitch-face on, the body moved.

I walked past a bunch of girls and a man. They were giggling amongst themselves, a sense of shared presence, which I found joyful to be near. I found my brain sneaking its eyes through the veil of gloom. Seasonal depression, experts call this condition. My brain calls it, 'No Sun, No Me'. I could tell curiosity for the day was beginning to creep into my brain. I moved forward now with more confidence in the day, and in me.

I stopped in my track. I could tell there were two women moving toward me. They looked like international students. They were moving slowly, almost lost. I forced my eyes to attend to more details. It looked like one of them was hugging a dog, Wait why is she crying? My eyes kept scanning. There is blood on her jeans. Wait is the dog hurt? The woman falls to her knees. I instinctively, bend next to her and stroke her hair. She is wailing. I cannot look at the dog. My brain puts together a story, 'Her dog is hurt, a car ran over her dog, the dog is bleeding, they need help'. I do not know how to help. I know how to care. So I stroke her hair as she cries into the body of her bleeding dog.

I see the other lady, trying to book an Uber. Another lady in a nurse uniform spots us, she asks questions about the accident. I have lost my ability to register sound. I keep stroking the lady who is crying into the body of her bleeding dog. I notice the group of women and man, I passed by earlier, stop. They look at me. I wave them down. Two women approach us, with a calm that is failing me. One of them asks, 'Can we drive you to the vet?". "Yes", I respond. "We need help". I find my self entering the details of the nearest Vet on to her phone. As their car pulls over, I find myself opening the door for the woman who is crying into the body of her bleeding dog. I find myself whispering to this stranger, "She is going to be okay" as I shut the door.

I return home, holding the cup of cold caffeine. In the absence of the eyes of another on me,

I cry.

My brain left home in pursuit of warmth. In it's place, it found the pain of a stranger. I returned home with pain of another. I returned home to the to-do lists that will not get done today. I wondered, for a second, what if I had walked on by? or made another turn?

Yes my day would not have taken on the pain of a stranger, Yes my to-do lists would have not missed a deadline.

Would my day have gotten any warmer?

Penned by Noor Begum