Versions of Me Lived and (un)Lived. A Poem

Today I had a thought, a honest thought. I had a thought about a version of me.

In that version, I am as beautiful, witty and sassy as I am in this version. But in that version, I believe in soul mates.

I yearn to be the home of my partner.

I yearn to predict all his bad days so he does not have to live through them alone. 

I leave him little notes in his backpack and his jacket. 

Notes that have Gibran, Rumi and a bit of Mary Oliver.

Notes scribbled in Urdu, some days in Arabic, other days in Malayalam. 

To tickle his brain as he does mine. 

In that version, I’d wait by the phone, the door, the window to see him. 

Oh, how in love I'd be! 

That version sounds lovely

but it also sounds lived,

One too many times,

In novels, movies, books, poems, songs! 

The yearning of women for men who cherish their love for them. 

As I leaned back into my chair. I saw another version of me. 

In this version, I have a two-storey apartment, filled with plants and rattan furniture.

Every corner has a reading lamp. Books, so many books everywhere!!

In this version I don’t wait on anyone.

I wake up and choose my joy,

I also choose my pain.

I learn how to drive, not a car but a motorbike. 

I call my sister at 2:00 am to ask if she wants to ride the bike with me?

I see me laughing, writing, crying all in my own company. 

There is yearning in both versions of me, but, 

In one version I live in yearning,

in the other, I author my yearning. 

Noora Noushad, Sept 28. 2026